A long time, in fact, *goes back to original notebook to
check* on the 3rd December 2012, I was living with my sister and her
fiancé. We lived in the next town from
Blackburn, where I was and continue to work.
This involved a bus ride to get home, followed by a very strenuous half an
hour walk entirely uphill.
One windy and dreary day, the bus began the descent down one of many hills towards my stop. That day, I remember quite distinctly how frustrated I had been that a colleague had implied that I didn't know how to
prioritise. Just to compound the issue,
the chap I had been dating – that didn't last long at all and least said,
soonest mended – had implied that I didn't know how to prioritise our new and
fledgling relationship within my life.
As a person, I am comfortable in admitting one of my biggest
flaws is being defensive. I can’t help
it. In nature, the fight or flight
response manifests itself in me as follows:
- I feel criticised
- I get defensive
- I runaway and stop speaking to people until the situation goes away.
It is, by far, not one of my more attractive qualities and
one that I am working on improving as I grow up – It is definitely not a mature
response to any sort of confrontation, but having ear marked it as evolution
and survival instinct, I've given myself the “Get out of Jail Free” card on it
for a little too long.
The bus hit traffic and my stop remained out of reach for a
little while longer. When I travel,
unless the god of technology should forsake me, I listen to music. Particularly after a bad day, which this had
been, it helps me not to mull it over too much.
Let’s be honest, something we all need to accept more readily is that
when the day is done, there is nothing more you could have done or anything you
might have done better. Plugging myself
In to the wonderful world of music helps with this enormously. On this occasion, it hadn't stopped the
dwelling process entirely. One question
sprung into my mind, quite abruptly and with no warming. The question proved to give quite a violent
response and I had a little sob in my lonely
seat at the back of the bus:
Who decides what
matters?
It can be people, places,
possessions, a sentimental attachment to a shoe lace, but we attach priorities
to all manner of things, no matter what they might be. The problem with that question is the answer
because its so glaringly obvious. We all
do. Every single one of us has a stake
in the world we share. Consequently and
unfortunately, we are going to clash periodically when we encounter someone who
has a different agenda and set of priorities to ourselves. Overall, it means we
can’t win.
Most workplaces will generate
such conflicts. I used to work in management for retail. I hope never again in my working life will I
fall victim to such a huge clash of different priorities that become the way
you work. The customer thinks they’re
most important, you have a store visit from your area manager any minute to
inspect your visual merchandising and you haven’t finished the tidy up because
you've taken £300 more than your target in the last hour, and a staff member is
waiting to be given their return to work interview after a period of
absence. Plus, atop all that, you
haven’t finished your rota revision because three people have decided they
can’t work their set shifts. The delivery
arrives, as the area manager walks in and someone asks “Do these shoes come in
half sizes?” None of us can please
everyone all the time.
On the walk home, in the rain, I
had to walk down one hill before I could climb the next, where home was. On the second leg of the journey, another
thought popped into my head; an answer to the question of how can anyone ever
get their priorities right, when everyone has their own agenda. The simple answer was still that you never
can. The reason why was the epiphany,
and it really did make me feel better: I called the Contextual Framework of
Priorities.
The basic principle off the framework
is accepting that in our work or personal lives, our priorities are not always
going to match up with everyone else’s.
As soon as you accept that, you are ready for step 2: Your agenda and responsibilities might be
lesser than someone else’s. Step 3 is by
far the hardest to come to terms with: everyone’s priorities are always in a
constant state of flux. If you have a loved one in hospital, ensuring you get
to their visiting time is an entirely different prospect to getting to say your
final goodbye. At anytime where
something more important comes to your attention, which becomes your top
priority. And that happens for everyone
else too. Our own goal posts are moving
and everyone else is moving theirs.
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| Image found: http://mdcoastdispatch.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Thngs-to-do2.jpg |
Naturally, that is going to
generate a certain amount of conflict.
The attitude adjustment that we all need to make is to make sure the
conflict of interests that we all experience doesn't end up being a confrontation.
We all need to work on communicating the urgency of what we are asking for and
compromise where we can. From personal experience,
I know that creative problem solving can come from these situations.
The reason all of this came into
my head at all was my realisation that I waste a lot of my own private
time. I’m not writing the things I want
to write. I’m not reading the books I
want to read. Computer games, art
projects, the list could go on for a while, but the fact remains, I’m not
getting this stuff done. And part of my
2014 aim is to make sure I’m prioritising the things I REALLY want against my willingness
to be lazy. I’m putting myself into a
conflict that means I actually get to do things I want – I finished a book this
Sunday: Joyland by Stephen King.
Exceptional book. Read it!
I have had lazy days, don’t get
me wrong. The thing is, if I want this
year to be a better one, all I have to do is look at my priorities and keep in
mind what they really are. As soon as I
start to slip, confront myself with them and resolve to do better. I think that this year all of us could do
with remembering our priorities and making sure we achieve them and help
whoever we can achieve theirs.
