Dear
November,
I’ve done
some very productive things today. I
walked to my Mum’s and helped her with some manual labour she’s not well enough
to attempt, including cleaning her windows in the kitchen… I cleaned out under
the stairs and found some curtains which will go nicely in my back bedroom… I watched a DVD that arrived that I’d
forgotten I’d bought… In short, I’ve
done very well at not doing my writing all day.
I’m not blaming my Mum for that.
I’m blaming the hours around the productive things, where I watched 5
consecutive episodes of Judging Amy instead of writing. Or watching a DVD instead of writing.
 |
| I walked along the canal to get to my Mum's and saw these two having a paddle. Blackburn Canal 24.11.14 |
I had a bit
of a breakthrough in regards to my writing whilst I was sat there not doing
it. The only way I can think to explain
it… Have you seen Stranger than Fiction, starring Emma Thompson? No?
Well, that’s the problem. I need
to kill a character. Given his age – he’s
an octogenarian – and the time of year, as stupid as this sounds, I feel
guilty.
The problem
I’m having with writing without a plan, not even a loose one, is that I don’t
really know what’s going to happen. It’s
all very impulsive and I’m very unsure of where the story is going to go
next. I know it’s going somewhere, I’m
just not sure exactly what’s going to happen along the way. And then, I crash land into having to kill
off a character. And I really don’t want
to. I was thinking about it, curled up
under a warm blanket, around episode 3 of my Judging Amy marathon and I realised
I have to kill him off. I’ve set it up
that way. That’s why I have to; I wrote
it that way. It’s sort of like Dick
Hallorann in The Shining; as soon as he sets off back to the hotel, it’s a done
deal – he gonna die!! And the audience
knows it’s coming and before you know it, there was Jonny with the axe, adios
Dick Hallorann. Thanks for playing. Be sure to play again in your next life…
I’m off on a
tangent.
The point is
that I’m struggling, November. I’m not
going to get anywhere by not even trying but it’s a lot easier not to feel
guilty if I don’t write him out. I am
aware I’ve been talking like the keys I’m typing are going to stop someone’s
heart beat; I know this isn’t the case.
If anyone is responsible, it’s the guy in the story doing the murdering
who is going to be to blame… who I wrote.
You see? This stuff is hard!!
The problem,
further to this and most pressing at the moment, is that I’m using writing this
to you and picking which photograph to use as a distraction from doing the
writing of the story… And I don’t even
feel guilty.
I’m losing
momentum. And I know if I don’t pick up
with it again soon, I might get lost and never go back again. I don’t want to leave it unfinished. Even if it never goes any further than a
first draft. Even if I don’t finish it
in time for the end of NaNoWriMo. Even
if it sucks and I don’t like the fact I killed someone off. I need to finish it. And I will… And I’m going to get a start on
that as soon as I’ve made another cup of tea…
Speak
tomorrow, November.
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