Dear
November
It’s strange
to me that this is going to be the last letter I write to you. I can’t believe that I started writing these
to you a month ago. It feels like things
have changed a lot in that time, even though I’m not quite sure. There are the obvious things; I’m a year
older. The weather has shifted towards
the cold and the nights last for what seems like forever; it was hardly light
at all today. So dark and broody. Maybe that’s the part of you that appeals to
me – the inner tortured artist… Oh, how cliché!
It occurred to
me last night whilst I was out for works Christmas do that it felt for me, less
like a celebration of Christmas and a celebration of this month. The night out became for me like a birthday
night out; I didn’t do much for my birthday and maybe that was a mistake. I’ve never been a big fan of that but perhaps
I ought to try and do something next year.
I don’t know. All I know is that it felt good to go out and
celebrate, whatever the reason. I wish I
could afford to do it more often! I was
so nervous before I went but so glad I did, almost straight away… Well, after I’d
had a drink, said hello to the people I knew and found the toilets! We were on a mezzanine level of a bar so I got
to do some people watching. So strange
how looking into the crowd and seeing how young they all looked! I know I’m hardly old, but maybe my ‘youth’
is behind me now. And whilst I was sat
there nursing a beer, I couldn’t help but wonder if that’s even a bad
thing!
Things have
changed a lot for me in so many ways.
When I look back over what is nearly 30 years, it feels ridiculous to
say that. Of course things have changed
a lot in 30 years. In the last century,
30 years encompassed the break out of two world wars; things can change a lot
in that time. It’s so hard to look on
what I can remember of that time and feel confused – how can things have
changed so much but still for everything to feel so… consistent? Maybe it’s the flow of continuity. Thinking about it, two of the biggest changes
that have ever taken place in my life and I wasn’t awake of conscious for
either of them! I’m going to include a
photo I took a few days ago. It’s the
old hospital building that was closed years ago. They’ve demolished most of the site now and
are building houses there. Looking at it
today, curled up on the sofa with my aching head from one too many drinks last
night, it made me sad to think they’re knocking down the building where I had
my tonsils out.
 |
| Blackburn Royal Infirmary from the canal, taken 26.11.14 |
Anyway, I
digress.
What I
really wanted to say to you today, November, is thank you. I know that I haven’t written to you every
day like I hoped, but the older I get the more I realise that things seldom
work out how we hope they will. But I’m
still happy that I did this. I’m happy I
posted them on my blog so that people could get to read my ramblings. I’m happy that I started working on NaNoWriMo
even though I haven’t finished it yet. I’m
happy that I’ve been out twice this month.
I’m happy with so many things.
And writing to you has helped me feel more grateful for what I do have
and how lucky I am. It’s also helped me
to really appreciate what I’ve lost. It’s
sad to lose anything or anyone, but not if you get to remember them, even if it’s
hard.
I shall sign
off and go to bed now. Thank you for
listening to me and keeping me company.
I’ll see you next year.
With all my
love. Michael xx
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