Internet Security Bytes 20.11.13

Tonight, my mission, as I have chosen to accept it, is to rid my computer of malware and spyware.  Now, for those of you naively assuming all is well on your computer, join me in the land of paranoia and angst.  Is it really all ok? 

For a while, I have noticed that when I load Chrome, my normal homepage was missing, replaced with a search engine, MySearchDial.com.  Never heard of it either, eh?  I Googled it to see what it was and was stunned to discover it was Spyware.  Of all the indecent things to discover!  How the hell had that gotten there?  I have no idea how and am still wondering.  It turns out to be completely harmless.  Yet, I don’t want it there.  Why is it there?  How can I get rid of it? 

I browsed my way through forum and help webpage over and over again; like all good things in the world that you might not be familiar with, you can find a Youtube video to assist you in getting rid of the blighter.  Yet, even after several hours of jumping back and forth from safe mode and haphazardly deleting parts of my registry, I was no nearer to having my beloved Google Chrome homepage back.

It has been my evenings obsession.  I had run various virus searches, over and over again.  Nothing.  I uninstalled, reinstalled, deleted bookmarks, backed them up, added them, removed them.  Nothing.  And after all of this, I managed to find a wonderful website http://malwaretips.com/blogs/start-mysearchdial-removal/ that allowed me to completely remove the little shitbag from my computer forever.  I’ve added the little gem to my bookmarks, just in case this ever happens again.

I share this with you lovely people because nowadays we keep so much personal and private information on our computers, we should be very careful about what we do (and don’t) allow past our firewalls and to worm its way into our browsers. 

Its more than that though.  For me personally, I’m a control freak and like my computer and my phone a very specific way.  If I change something, it’s because I want it like that.  Some naughty piece of software changing my digital landscape without permission is not what I asked for.  There have been countless changes to Facebook over the years that have proven how resistant to change I can be.  Sometimes, when things change, it turns out to be better than it was before (the new iphone iOS for example). Other times, not so much.  In this instance, I’m more than happy to announce the return to how I want my browser to be.

As I type this, my new friend, 'Malware Bytes' (http://www.malwarebytes.org/products/malwarebytes_free/) is working its way through my computer and finding me new things to worry about.  That’s part of the bigger problem for a lot of us I think.  There is so much in this world for us to worry about.  The things we worry about the most are things like spyware, malware, identity theft and on the list goes.  The truth is that we have no idea how any of this stuff works; that’s why we’re afraid for our digital selves.  The real truth, as I see it?  There is very little difference now to how things were thirty years ago; you feel perfectly safe in your home until you’re away on holiday and your house is broken into.  The violation is no different.  It’s a strange thing to discover how much stock you really put into your digital reality, until some irritating search engine just won’t go away.  Suddenly, my paranoid digital eye is roaming far and wide.

 I currently have 17 pieces of malware, and rising. 

Image borrowed from http://main.makeuseoflimited.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/computer-virus.jpg

Solitude, Sociability and the Sweet Spot - 15.10.13

Going through my old book of thoughts and scribbling, I found a little entry about my desire to find solitude and that sometimes, I just need to be alone.  Other times, I find that I need to have the company of those I love.  I always think I’m the living embodiment of “Leave Me Alone, I’m Lonely” by P!nk (Edit… I like to think…). 

I was poorly in the middle of September and spent the majority of my time alone.  As an extension of that situation, most of that time was spent exclusively delving around in my mind.  I was writing more and kept realising the same thing over and over; I had somehow managed to isolate myself from those I loved.  I was keeping in touch with them; I could see that by looking at the messages in my phone or on Facebook.  Despite knowing that I am far from a fan of digital-facsimile friendships, apart from my family and housemate, I had reduced myself to nothing more or less. 

I spent so long romanticising the concept of being alone and having  time and space to myself, I had gotten what I wanted – isolation.  And I despised myself.  I was wracked with guilt.  Maybe I’d just given people the escape ladder they needed to get out of a crappy friendship with me.  I have mentioned on here before “purging” my Facebook and my life of fake friendships.  What if those I loved had thought the same of me?  Was this karma?  What’s a boy to do when the penny drops there is something wrong?  Cry all over his sister, durr!

I’m not prone to accepting people’s advice on anything.  I dispense very well, but personal adoption and application of the same, I suck at.  I truly believe – for better or worse – that I could run my loved ones lives better and more efficiently than they do.  I’m not a complete crazy – I also believe that others would do a better job with mine.  Friends and family have insights into us and our lives that we simply miss.  So what do we do?  Turn to them in an hour of need and ask for help… Which we then ignore, because we know better. 

This time, I didn't want to do that; I didn't want to carry on as I was and knew Laura would tell me what to do (No change there; she’d been doing that since we were kids!).  The difference was this time, I knew she would tell me the same thing as I was thinking.  I just needed to reach out to the people I loved and they would reach back.  She didn’t put it in such a poetic way of course.  My sister, administer of common sense, told me to get a grip and get in touch with people.  And this I did.

I’ve reconnected with people I truly love and adore.  I have an innate ability to surround myself with those I consider to be extraordinary and their presence in my life, even if only briefly, makes me feel extraordinary too.  I don’t go in for the “unique snow flake” approach to the human race.  Only some people are different.  I’m different, but not always in good ways.  The people I mean are truly wonderful, and this is a little love letter to them.  You guys rock!

But this isn’t all there is to say.  I wasn’t entirely wrong about my situation.  I was right and I do need my space and my time to myself.  After two weekends in a row being sociable, I find myself mentally exhausted.  There are other factors of course – work is far from a barrel of laughs at present and I’m cruising head long into the obligatory birthday blues.

Last year, I read ‘Quiet.  The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking’ by Susan Cain.  That book taught me an awful lot about myself.  I had never considered myself to be an introvert before and had a lot of negative assumptions about what it meant to be one.  I was wrong almost completely. The key element that I took away from the book was not that I needed a cave to live in.  I learnt that there is a balance that must be struck in life for everyone, but for introverts, they are more susceptible to ebbs and flows when the balance is off.  She refers to it as the “Sweet Spot” which is the perfect description of it.  It refers to everything across the board; the  volume of the music or the television when I’m trying to concentrate; the amount of work I need to get through when I’m feeling stressed or the lack of it when I’m bored to tears.  It also applies perfectly to being sociable.    I need to work on finding my social sweet spot; making the effort with those I love so I get to see them but also allowing myself the time I need to process and make sense of everything, drink too much tea and dance around my kitchen (If I feel the need!). 

It comes as a constant surprise, even at 26, there is still so much that to learn about how to make myself happy and content.  I know for a fact though, that I need time to think and time to talk.  As for right now, it’s time for me to cuddle up with my hot water bottle and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer, home alone and perfectly content.